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Thứ Sáu, 7 tháng 9, 2018

Talking About Those Santas For Hire

By James Brooks


When looking for a new Santa to stage as one to wherever you though convenient during Christmas, we do not think about the ones that do it for a living. Instead, we think about who suits it best. Which actor that we have seen. For example, imagine Maester Aemon from Game of Thrones. That blind guy that served as a doctor and counsel in the Nights Watch? Would it not be poetic to have a Targaryen as your Mr. Claus? Stick around, we are going to have a lot of fun in Dallas Santa for Hire.

Oh. Turns out he passed away already earlier this year. That is sad and slightly disappointing. How will children take to a new Santa in this mall? Will they even notice the difference? Kids have tiny brains so probably not. The smart ones are too mature and smart to even think about sitting on the lap of an old guy.

Intelligent children probably know that Father Christmas does not exist. The Jewish children definitely know he is not real since they follow a different religion and celebrate a different holiday. What do they even think whenever they see Catholic kids talk excitedly about an old man who creeps into houses and leave presents?

That is neither here nor there. But it is fun to imagine all the same. This cartoon, South Park, the Jewish boy named Kyle Broflovski knows that Mr. Claus does not exist at all. But then he gets proven wrong when Santa Claus himself appears before him. Him and Jesus. That must have been a wild ride for him.

If not, there are probably old men who have already taken the whole Santa thing as a seasonal profession. Get them if you want. At least they already had experience, right? And they probably sound a lot closer to the real deal. Assuming that they are not as creepy as the hobos, your children will be fine.

Tywin Lannister. Silence. We know. But if you pause and actually imagine him as your Santa, actually no. Nevermind. It sounds like a bad idea. The scariest and most badass character wearing the colors of red and gold, who also died in the toilet, walking in the halls wearing red and white garb. Well. What a way to haunt everybody and their nightmares.

A better character to serve us is Jeor Mormont. The Old Bear. Lord Commander of the Nights Watch before Jon Snow. He had the perfect build for it. The soft heart and the white hair. He even gave his own family sword to his steward. That is called generosity.

Whoops. An old man in a red coat just walked up to the platform. Looks like they already found their next red Dumbledore for this year. He is a bit too skinny to be the jolly old man though.

The last one was just the right sort of plump. We hope this guy does not disappoint. Anyone with a beard can wear the get up but that takes talent and soul to bear the name Santa Claus and have kids to believe in it.




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